Monday, January 31, 2011

Long over-due baby Update*

Well this month has more then flown by! It seems just like yesterday I wasn't celebrating New Years.

(insert pity party here)

Things are basically going the same, except now I am carrying what seems to be like a basketball on steroids under this small shirt of mine. I find myself more leaning towards Josh's shirts now to prevent an excessive amount of plumber belly because lets be honest... no one likes plumber belly! That has trailer park written all over it.

As some of you know, I have switched back from my horrible midwife experience... oh my lanta was that a trip! Not a good vacation Aruba trip either! This was one of those "I'm going to Mexico!".... and end up in drug lord town kind of trips.
Excuse my french but this bitch was so miserable! I don't know if she just hated her job because she has been doing the same thing since WWII, or because she just hated life in general. Either way, I don't care. I fixed this problem in a jump, skip and a hurry! I  really don't care I am seeing a bunch of different people at the OB Clinic. Fact is, I would rather stick a needle in my eye then see that Mrs. Doubtfire wannabe again.

Tomorrow (2-1-11) I will be 26 weeks, with 14 more to go! It hasn't been a bad ride so far. I kind of like being pregnant. But just the other day I was wondering how some women can go through postpartum depression. I would think they would be overwhelmed with joy to finally meet the little spawn that's been sucking all the life out of you! Personally, I can't wait to get this little nugget man out of me! I feel like he has started his own little football team in my uterus.

The only thing I am worrying about (which I know I shouldn't be) is getting everything ready for when he is here. I am one of the OCD people that wants everything done months ahead of time so this whole waiting for the baby shower shit is driving me crazy! Call me spoiled, but i mean dang... this crap ain't for me! I think a part of me thinks that I am bribing him out with gifts.

I'm not into those whole big baby showers either because I feel its a waste of money. I find that a personal-made banner with everyone's signature or whatever is way more sentimental then the traditional Party-City ones. As far as decorations go.....who needs em? Surely not me! All I require is a mexican cake and the stuff I registered for. I think that's fairly easy if I do say so myself, haha. No invites are necessary either. Mass texts and phone calls do the same thing as long as they know where to go to get the baby stuff.

Speaking of invites... my baby book from Etsy has a nice little space to paste a baby shower invite into. Would it be considered lying if I just made one and posted it there? This way I can go all out on my baby book invite and be all " Your baby shower was the shiznitz my little dude!" I am sure eventually he would call me on my bluff but hey? "A" for effort right? I'm pretty sure he wouldn't be offended once I showed him all of the cute clothes and toys he had just because I saved a few bucks on these invites.

And just a quick note on registry's... someone recently said that people don't really get the shit from your registry and that they will buy what they want? Well shit ... they better come with gift receipt in hand because I'll be damned if I spent all that time picking out my babies perfect wardrobe future for it to just be wasted!

ANYWAYS, that was really off  my "baby update" topic but blah blah blah who cares this is my blog so "DON'T JUDGE ME!"

Oh yeah, we have an ultra sound scheduled Feb 7th or 9th? which ever one falls on a Wednesday. So I'll make sure to upload them beaut's once I got them. I think if they have the 3D ones I'm going to try the sleeper hold approach until they give me them for free. I'll let you know how that goes.

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My Porcelain Fist

 It's crazy how when some things happen it really makes you sit down and evaluate yourself as a person. Sometimes you may find it hard to not critique those around you as well, and give thanks for those who step up to the friendship plate.

I find myself to be one of the luckiest women in the world! I have a more than amazing man in my life who would go through hell and high water just to ensure my happiness, a healthy baby on the way,  supportive and loving family and friends, and an amazing in-law family I have been taken in to.

Besides my mother, I have not met many women in this world who I can say are one that would put even a stranger before themselves just to say they have made someone smile or a difference in their life if even in the smallest way. Because of these individuals I can say I am forever changed.

Some say selflessness comes with "motherhood" , and to a point I agree. But I also think it goes way beyond that. I have seen mothers who maintain their famous selfishness. So this alone can not be the answer. I think that  you have to already have this "quality" in you already for it to actually show. Having a baby just brings it out of you more.

It's crazy how things can really change in a minute, and how many minutes are really taken for granted. In one weekend I have seen one family dramatically change in ways I could never even begin to describe. All I know is that I am glad I was there to support those I love and consider myself one of the luckiest people in this planet to have been given the chance to be apart of my second family.

(a very special thanks to my little "smurf", you will never know how much you helped us this weekend and for that I am forever grateful!)

Forever in my heart <3

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Sunday, January 9, 2011


So... it's Sunday, obviously. And I must say this weekend was particularly uneventful. Just like most of my weekends. The highlight of it all you ask? Paying $7 for a piece of lettuce, toast and probably 4 slices of apple. No lie.
But I must say that its was the best lettuce, toast, and apple slice combo I have ever had. And not because this was the only time I have ever had such a concoction.
Don't worry... I got my $7 worth in the bathroom,where they supply mouthwash with such elegant disposable cups. 3 cups and a fresh mouth later, I definitely felt good about my dining experience.

After dinner the ladies and I went for a "night out on the town". I must say I have never had such an urge to drink like I did that night since I have been pregnant. I wish someone would invent some type of system where you could pick and choose from what you ate and drank and decide if it would go to your baby or not. I'm sure the side effects for such a device would include the following: starvation, muscle spasm, heart attack and anal leakage.... you always have to include that last one there just so the side effects would outweigh the real need for the device or drug or whatever you may be taking.

On the way to driving my slurring drunk chickadee's home, my Ipod jack to my radio broke.(WHOMP, WHOMP). The sad thing is, that this is what lights a fire under my ass to go trade my car in. How pathetic am I? Apparently in my world, 1 broken Ipod jack= 1 new car? Either way, the evil part of me hopes no one realizes its broken so the next person that buys my car will have the pleasure of experiencing my frustration. I think of it as paying it forward.

I apologize now to those who have read this absolutely ridiculous post, you have officially wasted 3 minutes of your life.

P.S. I told my friend I would post the 5 stages of being drunk on here while she ever so graciously butchered the word utility while attempting to explain what car I should get... and proceeded to yell at me saying " DON'T JUDGE ME!". Well, to whom it may concern.... I was judging you ;)

Stage 1- Welcome to the SMART stage. You apparently are an expert now, and are willing to share your wealth of knowledge to anyone and everyone that will listen. In this stage you're never wrong, which could actually make for an entertaining argument with someone else who is also SMART

Stage 2- (made up of 2 parts) * Self declared millionaire. All of your friends and strangers will benefit in this stage! This is when you buy rounds and rounds of drinks for your friends and the occasional stranger even though your ass is broke. * Broke-Ass Bitch. This is my favorite stage of all. This is when you and your friends will benefit from a strangers tab! But who cares, because you all will be long gone when Joe Shmo gets his $86 tab. :)

Stage 3- Bulletproof. Now that your SMART and RICH or BROKE, you will start to feel the need to pick any random fights. If no one takes your bait... then who else do you turn to but the gross homeless man on the street, who is also in his bulletproof stage. Perfect.

Stage 4- Congratulations! You have now invented your own language! We can still understand you to a certain point but you take it beyond that. We are probably now relapsing back to the SMART stage and are trying to hold conversations/debates about random ass topics. But don't worry we will all be blessed shortly when you are in a complete mumble.

Stage 5- This is your final stage of drunkeness, and you sir are one hot mess. This is the prefect time to lay your ass down. Because now what we have, is someone trying to argue in a foreign language to us. Probably about how much money they spent when they thought they were rich and actually is one broke bitch.

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Thursday, January 6, 2011

My Recent 4-1-1 (re-post from other blog)

We found out we are having a  little boy!!!!

 Not going to lie I was a tid bit disappointed  because I wanted a little girl that I could teach to say “girls gone wild” to, but I am happy either way. God must feel that I know how to handle men pretty well because he has ever so graciously blessed me with soon to be 3 in my house. Yes, I am including my dog because he thinks he is a human. But fingers crossed that the next one is a female... or gay.


His precious name is going to be Roman Elliott.... with the full name its more then a mouth full which I am sure that will bite me in the ass later on when I am screaming his full name, because he will definitely be giving me a run for my money. You know what I am talking about, if you know his father.
I can picture it now... me being so angry and just messing up his name because I won't be able to say it in one solid breath.  Then having the joke be on me. I'll take my chances. Most people would be scared that a baby is coming in t-minus 4 months but not me. I was born for this, and by this i mean telling people what to do.
In theory, I plan of having enough kids to get all of my housework done in a timely manner so that I can sit back and enjoy my extra dirty martini. Also I have it planned out that they will need to have full time jobs and be ready to move out by 18 or 19. If they plan on living home... drinking habits that will develop  will need to be supported, and if any of you know me... that might get a little expensive.

Speaking of drinking I think the only thing I might be a little bent about is my diminishing tolerance to alcohol. I have been religiously working on this since I was 12... seriously. I mean I could hang with the best with them!!!! But now... I’m guessing my tolerance is like a pathetic 2 year old. (Given that your 2 year old drinks and if so....I’m compelled to say kudos, for using that method of calming your children down that <dont lie> most of us mothers dream of!)

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Buckle up Ladies and Gents it's Gonna be a Bumpy Ride!

So I am making this site to post my rants, raves, and opinions on random useless and useful things that are going on in my life.  If you do not like the use of profanity or in my opinion, the honest truth you should leave now. Also those who personally know me,  the things I write are not directed towards you... 20% of the time.

this is my first website/blog type deal and I don't anticipate on it being perfect. So it your a grammar whore... see your way to the “door”.

for all you others, buckle up this may be a bumpy ride :)

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